


The Superglued Lusty Beautification Potion

by TheTitaniumSerpent



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:23:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTitaniumSerpent/pseuds/TheTitaniumSerpent
Summary: An accident in Professor Slughorn's Potions class creates two new, highly unlikely heroes with a new power. Can the duo beat the Evil tyrant? Could the Power-He-Knows-Not be the Superglued Lusty Beautification Potion?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. Not even a set of functional brains. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Hermione Granger was chopping up Knotgrass for her potion. Her mind was otherwise occupied, but luckily for her, the new Potions Master Horace Slughorn was too preoccupied mooning over Harry Potter's newly found "aptitude" in Potions. Aptitude? Harry was cheating from the Half-Blood Prince's book, for Merlin's sakes! Hermione had been the top of her year in Potions for the whole five years, and now, with the change of teacher and Harry's book... Hermione sighed as she finished the chopping the Knotgrass and began to stir her cauldron. 

Professor Slughorn had set them an interesting task: they could each select one Potion from the book for their own use. She had chosen a Beautification Potion to bewitch the mind of a Certain Special Someone: the man (definitely not a boy) occupying her thoughts and senses every waking hour. She worked next to Neville Longbottom in the corner table, and Neville was stirring his cauldron of special glue: a special Potion to seamlessly repair broken things when even a spell could not. The clumsy boy needed it, and the Potion was one of the easier ones. To say that Neville Longbottom had no skill in Potions was an understatement to say the least: when it came to Potions, Neville was a walking disaster waiting to happen. Neville had been allowed into N.E.W.T.-level Potions because of his parents. 

These lessons were definitely not the same this year, she thought. Horace Slughorn was competent, but nowhere near as excellent as Severus Snape had been, not by a long shot. With Snape's transfer to Defence Against the Dark Arts position, Hermione felt let down, and the work she had enjoyed felt slightly more tedious. 

It wasn't just about Slughorn's skills, she knew: she had had a massive crush on Professor Snape since her fourth year, and the crush had become stronger as time went by. Everyone expected her to date a Gryffindor, preferably either Ron or Harry, but nobody could ensnare her senses quite like his ink-black eyes did. Of course she saw him weekly in the Defence class instead of Potions, but this year the man had grown even more distant, angry and aloof than any of the previous years. The man seemed to be under terrible pressure, and her heart ached for him. If only she could help...

Suddenly she felt the first tinge of panic. The stirring! She had forgotten the clockwise turns, and was now on the fourth or sixth, maybe even seventh counter-clockwise turn too much. Her potion, which was supposed to be a lovely shade of solid pink had silver sparkles in it. Silver sparkles? How on earth... she let out a frightened squeak as she raised her hand to call for Professor Slughorn, when right next to her Neville's cauldron let out a horrible gurgle. All the action in the class stopped, and every eye was instantly aimed at their table. Students began angling away and ducking under their tables for cover.

Neville's cauldron did not explode: it began tossing small clumps of Glue Potion around. Slughorn and Hermione had both reached for their wands to Evanesco Neville's cauldron, but it all happened too fast: while Hermione ducked a clump of the air-borne potion — the idea of getting permanently glued to her desk or the floor held no merit for her — a big blob of Neville's potion was thrown into both Hermione's and Seamus Finnegan's cauldron. Seamus' cauldron also exploded, tossing some of its contents into Hermione's cauldron to combine with both Hermione's and Neville's potions: then Hermione's cauldron promptly erupted like a volcano, now streaked with not only flecks of silver but stripes of something purple as well. Hermione and Neville were too late to duck: the botched mixture covered them both. 

Professor Slughorn cast a quick Cooling Charm on them, but the potion didn't seem to burn: it actually felt warm and pleasant, and both Hermione and Neville gasped. Luckily nobody else had been hit, and Slughorn ordered two other students to aid them to the Hospital Wing and began casting Cleansing Charms to avoid anyone else getting into the sticky mess. 

* * *

In the Hospital Wing the two students were ordered to clean up immediately and Madam Pomfrey cast a series of Diagnostic Charms over them, but could not find anything wrong. They seemed perfectly healthy. Her Beautification Potion had apparently cleared out Neville's skin, and her own skin seemed better too. It seemed to have tamed her hair as well, which was unexpected: but with her wildly frizzy hair she would take anything. The usual unruly mess had been tamed to wonderfully silky locks which seemed to have a life of their own: they were easy to manage and tame and did not seem to knot or kink at all.

The two of them were kept in the infirmary overnight to spot any side effects, but would allowed out the next day, provided not symptoms would arise. They had visitors all day, so their stay wasn't tedious: when she asked if someone would lend them the lesson notes for the day, they received copies from everyone, which was more than enough. Some of the notes were really lousy, like Ronald Weasley's, but everyone seemed to want to pitch in. Neville also received several copies of class notes.

At first there seemed to be no problem: people were nicely courteous and kind to them both. They both received a load of 'Get Well Soon'-presents, which was a bit odd, considering they had only been kept there overnight and the two of them were hardly the most popular of students, even among Gryffindors. People kept crowding around them to make sure they were all right, even people from other Houses, and the teachers seemed concerned as well. Neville even received presents from Professors Vector and Sinistra, while Hermione got a wonderful golden rose from Professor Slughorn, who probably felt guilty for the accident. People seemed concerned, and wanted to escort them to classes. Some of them, like Seamus Finnegan and Harry, had actually given her TWO Get Better-presents, much to her chagrin: when she had attempted to refuse them, the boys had seemed so dejected she had to accept, though she felt terribly guilty.

* * *

The next day was... weird, to say the least. She felt great, physically, but the behaviour of others was off. She had been woken up by Parvati Patil and Lavendar Brown, who were gushing over how cute and adorably handsome Neville was. Apparently the two of them had a sudden and huge crush on him, but Hermione brushed that off as the effects of the Potion clearing his skin: the boy had grown up to be quite tall and had lost his chubby boy-appearance over summer hols. 

When she walked to the Gryffindor common room on her way to breakfast, the room was filled to the brim: it seemed like almost every Gryffindor student from the fourth year up was in there. Suddenly the boys seemed to leap to their feet, and six of them asked simultaneously to escort her to breakfast. Seriously, six of them, all at once, and they began squabbling and arguing. A fight broke out between Cormac MacLaggen and Ronald Weasley, while three other boys pushed and shoved forward in the crowd to offer her more presents.

Neville trotted down the dormitory stairs rubbing his bleary eyes, and all the females except Hermione seemed to let out a collective sigh. Neville was faced with a roomful of batting eyelashes, shy gazes and almost downright drooling, while several of them attempted to draw him into discussion and ask him if he was going down to breakfast, falling to his side and trailing behind him. Neville looked like her was about to bolt in panic.

Narrowing her eyes Hermione walked out of the common room through the Portrait entrance, heading for breakfast. She was trailed by the guys: she had refused all offers of escorting her, stating that she could very well find her own way, thank you very much, but there was a great deal of pushing and shoving to get close to her.

At breakfast a few fights broke out as people attempted to get to the seats closest to them, until Professor Dumbledore cast a Sonorous and bellowed and order for everyone to please get to their tables. The Gryffindor table was almost completely divided in two: the girls (and two of the boys) were crowded around Neville, while Hermione was surrounded by the boys and three girls, who either batted their eyelashes at her or complimented her lovely brown eyes, her hair and her school robes while glaring at everyone else. People around her pushed food toward her plate, and she actually had to decline the food and order them to eat their own breakfast: she did not need a fourth cup of tea, thank you, and definitely did not need sixteen slices of toast. 

People from the other tables seemed to gravitate toward them as well. She received a dish of marmalade from the Ravenclaw table, and the seventh-year boy who brought it swore it was better than the one on Gryffindor table, while some Slytherin students brought her all the tea pots from their table and attempted to serve her. Draco Malfor stuttered, holding out a bowl of sugar, and asked her on a date. A date?! Madam Pince the librarian had swept down from the High Table and was apparently asking Neville to come and sit with her. Neville seemed to be close to panic. 

Hermione got up, declined three invitations for a date at Madam Puddifoot's and four escorts to Hogsmeade, snatched Neville by his arm and dragged him towards the infirmary. A gaggle of students followed behind them like sharks trailing after blood in water, and they had to close the infirmary doors behind them to get to Madam Pomfrey. Goyle had followed them to the doors and asked Neville on a date before the two managed to close the door on his face.

* * *

Professor Dumbledore soon arrived to the infirmary, followed by the entire staff, except for Professor Binns. They all stared at them in a most unnerving manner. Madam Pomfrey had cast all her diagnostic charms again on Hermione and five times on Neville, before Professor Dumbledore told her that perhaps Neville had received enough diagnostics for the day. His eyes twinkled at Neville and he kept smiling, although that was not uncommon for Professor Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore always seemed to twinkle. 

The potions accident was declared to be the cause, and Professors Slughorn and Snape were asked to inspect them. When Hermione asked what had changed, Professor Snape looked her in the eyes with his deep black orbs, and whispered: "Beauty. You are simply a divine beauty. The botched Beautification Potion combined with Longbottom's botched Glue Potion and Finnegan's Lust Potion created some sort of permanent glamour that is simply irresistible. I was already in love with you for intellect, your expressive eyes and your kindness as well as your blossoming beauty, but I cannot stop myself from worshipping you now! Hermione, I love you.”

Hermione would have been in heaven, if she'd actually believed the professor wanted her. It must have been the glamour, because Professor Snape hated and despised her. Hermione felt terribly guilty about the whole thing: if he, too, was attracted by the potion, the effects on him would wear off once the potion did, and she would loose his respect and adoration, perhaps he'd hate her even more. She couldn't take an advantage on the man while he was under the effects of the blasted potion. A whispered conversation with Neville confirmed that they were in agreement: they shouldn't take an advantage over their besotted professors or schoolmates under the influence of the potion. It would only lead to arguments and hatred after the effects were countered. 

Professor Slughorn asked if she would sit by him at lunch, stating he felt so terribly guilty: Hermione felt a little creeped out and she politely declined. The only upside to this horrible day seemed to be Professor Snape: his voice was gentle and kind as he examined her, and there was a definite expression of longing on his eyes as he gazed at her.

* * *

The two students were escorted to St. Mungo's to make sure they were in no immediate danger, but they left quickly when new Mediwitches and Mediwizards were setting up a queue to examine them and the first fisticuffs and duels broke out. They walked out the door and decided to Apparate back to Hogwarts, when suddenly they crossed paths with Bellatrix and Rudolphus Lestrange. Professors Dumbledore and Snape had their wands drawn instantly, but apparently unnecessarily: Madam LeStrange threw herself at Neville to cuddle him, while Rudolphus LeStrange castigated himself at Hermione's feet, swearing to give up his very life and all his wicked ways for just one night with her, swearing to worship her body with his. A bunch of Aurors were called to collect the couple: the Death Eaters went with them willingly when Hermione and Neville told them to do so, and both snapped their own wands at their command, although Neville had to give the order to Bellatrix. The effects seemed to be based upon sexual preferences. The Aurors were trying to insist Hermione and Neville should come with them to be examined, but luckily Professor Dumbledore was able to Apparate them back to Hogwarts immediately. Professor Snape clutched Hermione to his chest and seemed unwilling to let her go. 

When they returned to the school, they both had to surrender their memories from the Potions lesson to Pensieve examination so that Professor Snape could set out to create an antidote: it did not surprise Hermione that Professor Slughorn was not deemed capable of the task. While the antidote was being prepared, Hermione decided to test a new idea. She asked Professor Dumbledore to call in Lucius Malfoy for a teacher-parent-meeting in his offices for the next day and asked to attend. 

"I have an idea of how we can end this war, sir. The potion seems to have an effect on everyone. Professor Snape, do you know if Vol... if You-Know-Who likes women or men?" 

Professor Snape furrowed his eyebrows, set down his papers and answered uncertainly: "When he was more human, he courted women frequently and had no interest in men that way. He appreciates Bellatrix LeStrange's... services to this day. I believe I know what you are implying, Miss Granger, but it would be very dangerous. We do not know how much human he has left inside of him. He has lost a lot of human characteristics since his resurrection. We do not know if it would have any effect on him at all. It would be extremely dangerous, Miss Granger. It'd be a fool's errand and quite possibly a suicide mission."

"I'm willing to take that chance, sir. I could end this war now. You and Mr Malfoy can take me to him as your prisoner. We will see immediately if he is subject to the potion's effects. If not, I can evacuate by a Portkey, and you can say that Mr Malfoy failed to find it when he searched me, so that only Mr Malfoy will be punished. If You-Know-Who is falls prey to the potion's effects, I can try and order him to cast an Avada on himself, or possibly to turn himself in to Aurors. Or even to face Harry without a wand so Harry can kill him."

"Miss Granger," Professor Dumbledore said, "I can see merit in your plan, though I had not anticipated this turn of events. I'm afraid Tom is not quite easy to destroy. We know that quite certainly he has created objects that hold pieces of his soul and he cannot be killed unless those are destroyed. We do not know how many there are and where they are, though Harry destroyed one on his second year and I destroyed another last summer. They are dark and dangerous objects, Miss Granger." 

"If the potion works on him, I could order him to tell me where and what they are, sir, or perhaps even ask him to give them to me. Sir, please let me try! I want to do this!"

Professor Dumbledore nodded slowly. “Your idea has merit, Miss Granger. I believe both you and Mr Longbottom would be able to order the Death Eaters to stand down, at the very least. But you need to give ask Lord Voldemort to give you his Horcruxes: perhaps together we might devise a plan, before we invite Lord Malfoy?”

And so Professor Snape, Headmaster Dumbledore and Hermione Granger began plotting...


	2. Chapter 2

It had taken quite some time to convince Neville Longbottom to participate in this particular plot, but Neville was a Gryffindor, and after some convincing he was aboard the plan. The two received lots of good advice from Professor Dumbledore, and Professor McGonagall helped them by Transfiguring them suitable clothes for their mission. At Professor Dumbledore's insistence Harry Potter was also alerted, although Dumbledore decided he wouldn't need to know everything. Harry did not seem to mind: he stared at Hermione and nodded periodically. It looked rather daft, but infinitely more clever than Ronald Weasley, who not only kept nodding but also drooled at the sight of Hermione, forgot that he had food in his mouth and gaped at her with his jaw open, half-masticated food visible. 

If Hermione had been told that she'd wake up to Lavender Brown wailing about not being able to nail Neville Longbottom, she would have told them to pull the other one. 

When Lucius Malfoy arrived to Headmaster Dumbledore's office, his eyes widened at the sight of Hermione Granger, and the cold man practically purred words of seduction and adoration, which caused Professor Snape to tighten his grip on his wand and his eyes narrowed dangerously. Hermione felt awkward: Mr Malfoy offered her an albino peacock for a familiar. He also promised to divorce his wife Narcissa and marry Hermione the very next day. When Professor Snape suggested they'd take Hermione and Neville see The Dark Lord, he insisted it was foolish and crazy to risk such a beautiful woman, but when Hermione asked the same thing, Lucius Malfoy nodded like a bobblehead-figure in a rollercoaster. Yes, definitely, whatever the beautiful Miss Granger suggested must be perfect. 

At a special request from Professor Snape, Narcissa Malfoy had also been invited. She crooned over Neville, petted his hair and offhandedly dissolved an Unbreakable Vow from Professor Snape, something or other she'd made him swear. Hermione also politely asked Draco Malfoy to please stop trying to kill Professor Dumbledore. Draco squealed in delight and promised to replace that particular hobby with macrame. 

Hermione was assaulted in the public corridor by Astoria Greengrass, who snogged her soundly. Everyone had already been staring: there were now quite a few male... tents... visible, and Madam Hooch asked to borrow Professor Dumbledore's Pensieve and used the Gemino Charm to create copies of that particular memory. Professor Slughorn paid sixteen bottles of Ogden's finest and three crates of crystallised pineapple for one.

* * *

And so one day later Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape escorted Neville Longbottom and Hermione Granger to Tom Riddle's current residence. They were dressed to the nines: Hermione wore a black dress that showed ample cleavage, and Neville was wearing black, shiny leather pants that hugged his long feet: his white shirt was halfway open in the front, sleeves rolled back. Two female Death Eaters in attendance fainted. Antonin Dolohov drooled and Fenrir Greyback tried to wag his bottom, though he currently lacked a tail to wag.

Lord Voldemort's slitted eyes bugged out. He rose from his throne and approached Hermione, taking in her appearance, and his tongue darted in and out. He began to croon gentle words and declared Hermione her queen, effective immediately. He offered her the Buckingham Palace for an engagement present. 

Voldemort's pet snake Nagini was not impressed: she began to hiss maliciously. But Hermione had been warned. “Oh my lord, I'm so glad! I would so love to be by your side. I'm such a huge admirer of yours. Would you grant me a few boons, my lord?”

“Anything, my beauty, my queen!” Voldemort crooned, drinking in the sight of her.

“I have forever dreamed of having snakeskin thong and boots, my lord. And oh, how very happy it would make me to have them as soon as possible! Would you be so lovely...? Your pet there has such wonderful skin...”

“Say no more, my lovely, my precious witch!” Voldemort announced, and with a flourish of his wand killed Nagini on sight, Transfiguring her into a set of leather thongs, a pair of boots and a pair of serpents skin handcuffs for good measure.

“Brilliant!” Hermione cheered exuberantly. Neville was keeping company with the female Death Eaters, though Rabastan LeStrange also seemed keen to catch his attention. The males had their keen eyes trained on Hermione.

“Oh, that is just... lovely!” she continued.

“Anything more I can do for you, my dear? A wedding dress, perhaps?” Voldemort suggested keenly. 

“Well... I'm so very much in love with you, you know. I would like to own everything about you. Every little piece of your soul: I would love to have them with me right here. Would that be possible? Please?” she suggested, trying to hide her nervous reaction. Professor Snape had spent hours training her on this.

“Oh my love, my serpent queen, yes!” Voldemort exclaimed and cast a spell, muttering a litany of words while flourishing his wand in arches. He might have looked hideous, but he definitely could handle his... wand.

A metallic sound echoed off the walls when a small golden cup hit the floor. It was almost immediately followed by clattering as a crown followed it, followed by a locket, a torn-up diary, a broken ring... and then a horrified screech, when Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, fell out of the air perched on a chair and landed smack in the middle of the objects with a bewildered expression on his face.

Huh. That was unexpected.

It did not take Hermione long to put two and two together. Voldemort had already raised his wand and opened his mouth to cast an Avada on his suddenly present mortal enemy, when Hermione clutched his wand arm and pulled it down.

“No, my love, please don't!” she begged, “I think you should wait before you kill him, as a present for me, please? I would like to have him as... our bridesmaid? Or your Best Man, whichever. Please, love?”

The Dark Lord blinked confusedly, but Hermione bravely batted her eyelashes in a manner she'd copied from Lavender Brown.

“...please...?”

“Oh, very well! Just for you, my dear! He'll look cute in a pink dress, I suppose.”

There were some protests from the assembled Death Eaters, but Voldemort roared them to shut their mouths: there would be no contradicting his lovely young bride on their wedding day.

“Professor Snape, could you please take these items with you? We spoke about the lovely wedding surprise I wanted to prepare for my Dark Lord, remember? Take them to the wedding chamber!” Hermione commanded, according to their plans.

“A wedding chamber, eh?” Voldemort leered.

“Yeeeeessss...” Hermione breathed, and the besotted evil dictator gestured to Snape, who collected the objects and Disapparated with them: he'd be taking them the an appointed place where they'd be almost instantly destroyed using the Sword of Gryfindor and a selection of Basilisk fangs for good measure. 

“I think there's a piece of your soul in our bridesmaid, love,” Hermione quickly said, “Do you think you could pull it out without killing him? Back inside you?”

“Of course, although wouldn't it be easier to find another bridesmaid?” Voldemort suggested, "Surely Bellatrix or Narcissa, for example...”

Hermione let her lip quiver and a tear sprang into her eyes. Thank Merlin for those theater classes...

“Or not!” The Dark Lord quickly backed off. “No, sweetheart, don't cry, I'll take it out, don't you fret...”

Voldemort really could be quite sweet when he was besotted. Too bad he was so corrupted.

It did not take long for him to pull out a wisp of darkness from Harry Potter's scar. The darkness disappeared back inside the Dark Lord, while Harry stumbled back on the floor, unconscious. “He'll be all right, don't fret, dear. We'll have to have a dress made for him,” Voldemort suggested, sounding a little panicky, “though I do declare he'll be the ugliest bridesmaid in the history. But no accounting for tastes, and your wish is my command, love!”

Professor Snape Apparated back, giving a fast signal to Hermione: the Horcruxes had been destroyed. But Snape looked at Harry, his expression concerned. Hermione gave him a thumbs-up, and Harry straggled to his feet. The original plan had been for Snape to bring Harry along after the Horcruxes had been destroyed, but now that he was already here...

“Could I look at your wand, my wonderful Dark Lord?” Hermione quickly suggested. "It's such a wonderful wand!”

“Of course,” Voldemort smiled, “and soon I'll show you my... other wand”, he said, grinning in a way that made Hermione want to cringe. Hermione took the wand and backed away nonchalantly. 

And then Harry Potter lifted his wand and cast an Avada, and Voldemort fell where he stood, looking a right dumb pillock in the end. 

Good riddance.


	3. Chapter 3

The weeks following Voldemort's demise were quite busy. The cadre of Death Eaters had calmed down immediately when Hermione and Neville told them to, and had spent time picking up flowers from Malfoy Manor's garden while waiting for Aurors to arrive to arrest them. It took some time, and both Hermione and Neville were bedecked with garlands and bouquets before the last of the Death Eaters left with the Aurors to await for their trial. 

Of course they first had to arrange for just and fair trials, which meant the Wizengamot and the Ministry needed to be cleansed of corruption: another task suited for Neville and Hermione. Both were dressed to kill: they simply had to saunter in, smile and ask to run some interviews, then ask each and every person to state for the record how corrupt they actually were. It wasn't easy: there was no real way to stop the blathering once the besotted people began, and they might never be able to look Kingsley in the eyes again without thinking of spanking with wet leaves of lettuce on a very private... places.

Ahem.

Azkaban and the cells in the Aurory were pretty crowded when the trials finally began, but Dementors cleared quite a bit of space among the most corrupt Death Eaters, and for some members of the Ministry and Wizengamot a simple dismissal and some fines were deemed sufficient. New politicians were instated, after some painful interviews that left both Hermione and Neville wanting to scrub their brain with bleach (what the heck was it with politicians and wet leaves of lettuce?!), but gradually, a cleaner, fairer wizarding world emerged from the layers of bribery, prejudice and corruption. For the time being, anyway: they'd never be able to monitor it forever. 

The Daily Prophet was helpful: after some sweet smiles and polite requests they ran daily articles on the corruption uncovered. The Daily Prophet also became the first ever newspaper to feature a full-colour pin-up centerfold: it featured Neville Longbottom in leather pants and his white silk shirt halfway open. It took Hermione two hours to coax Neville out of a broom closet after that one.

She managed the stop them from doing the same to her, although a few owls carrying advance copies had to make a u-turn in flight.

Rita Skeeter was a big surprise: the woman confessed she'd long harboured love and attraction to Hermione and had ran her scathing and scandalous articles out of jealousy. She took a voluntary wand oath to never, ever again write about anything pertaining to Hermione Jean Granger. Hermione rewarded the poor woman with a little kiss out of compassion: Rita practically floated out of the office in euphoria, while Hermione spent the next hour in a scalding hot shower scrubbing and washing her teeth repeatedly, hoping for a kind and quick Obliviate. Worst decision EVER, including the infamous Polyjuice And Cat Hair Incident. 

Both she and Neville were still holding back on their respective relationships: Neville confessed he'd grown more than a little attracted to Hannah Abbott from Hufflepuff, but did not wish to take an advantage of her while she was still affected by the lust- and obsession-inducing qualities of their Glamour: Hermione did the same with Professor Snape, though reluctantly and with regret. 

Snape spent hours upon hours in his laboratory brewing an antidote for the potion: he had very little to work on, since Slughorn had managed to Evanesco most of the spilled brew and what was left were some clumps in the cauldron and the Pensieve-memories from Seamus, Hermione and Neville. They decided that once Professor Snape was finished with the antidote, he'd destroy both the remains of the potion and the memories so that nobody could ever again recreate the Glamour: it'd be all too easy to rule the world with it. Luckily the combination of three botched potions combined by explosion made nigh impossible to recreate: Snape explained that the exact amount of the airborne clumps of magical glue and Lust Potion would be impossible to confirm from the memories: the air would also have cooled them down, the amount of air molecules combined with the potions... it had been nothing short of a miracle it had worked out the way it did.

The word of the Potions accident did spread, and there had been attempts to recreate it. Explosions in potions labs were abundant for weeks, and various ambitious researchers were found glued to the ceilings or the walls, attempting to hump inanimate objects, looking like offspring of an unholy coupling between a Niffler and an ostrich, or simply in quite small pieces. 

In the end only a partial antidote was successful: Neville and Hermione would remain breathtakingly beautiful and sexy, but the lust-inducing Glamour would cease to function. They wouldn't be able to command people at their whim, but that was the best Professor Snape could do: there were simply too many variables in the potion to remove their marvellous beauty. Of course Snape — “Call me Severus, my lovely Hermione, I'll always be Severus to you” — assured her he'd always seen her as the most beautiful creature on earth, even before the Glamour. 

They were ready to down the antidote in Headmaster Dumbledore's office, when the door burst open and Draco Malfoy rushed in with a ring and proposed to Hermione Granger on bended knee: Hermione downed her phial and smirked as she watched Malfoy's eyes widen in shock as the haze of lust lifted and he realized he'd just proposed to a Mudblood in the Headmaster's office. 

“I'll need to put that memory in Pensieve and make copies. Oh Malfoy? Do make sure your Father hears about this!” Draco Malfoy straggled away, nearly falling down the stairs. 

Hannah Abbot finally kissed Neville Longbottom and the two departed with shy smiles to discuss their future. Hermione turned to Professor Snape, who smirked and swept her off her feet, carrying her down to the dungeons where he not only ravished her, but also ravaged her and did some other rather unspeakable and delightful and pleasurable things with her in complete and utter bliss for the next several days, while the house-elves provided them with food and drinks. He proposed to her in two weeks.

Voldemort had been vanquished, Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter were the three heroes of the wizarding world, political corruption had been weeded for the time being, Ronald Weasley would be jealous as fuck and pissed off, and there were two high-profile weddings to come. 

Headmaster Dumbledore was left alone in his office. He looked at his shrivelled and blackened hand and said “Well... fuck.”


End file.
